It has been a long time since I felt like writing anything…simply because I am taken on a journey inwards that requires my attention and it also seems that time flies; but I feel it is time again to share few thoughts. Maybe the approaching new moon in Leo and full eclipse Monday is pushing me in terms of speaking more out loud and exposing aspects of myself so that we can all learn from each other and grow together.
So where to start? This week has been challenging, in terms of not feeling at the top as my intuition speaks to me through my belly and it has caused me few problems…All of that certainly triggered by an abdominal massage I received few days ago. Recently a client was reminding me how this type of treatments is so powerful and I just thought : my god it has been ages I haven’t booked myself for a session.
So here I was making and drinking my ceremonial cacao drink before laying on the table. Well, as expected many emotions came to the surface, a strong detoxifying effect through heat waves and tears afterwards. Not really knowing why but this is not the point.That day tears wanted to come through me.
I can’t say enough of abdominal work as a way to reconnect to our feelings, our bodies as women, our sensuality, as a way to move what is stuck (you get my point!)out of the way, to heal deeply…if you add cacao which is the medicine of the century (according to…me!) then we have a heartful journey. I have been using cacao for a while but recently I am diving more into it and taking a couple of courses to help me facilitate ceremonies/circles very soon. My wish is essentially to work with women (and men who are opened to it also) as I feel this is what the Earth needs right now; the soft qualities of the feminine, the intuitive aspect of ourselves, the letting go… If you haven’t tried cacao yet, then maybe this is the time. I feel called by this “Mama” and hope to find a space soon for that. I will keep you informed.
So with the approaching new moon and all that is happening right now in the sky and on the planet, I have visited and been visited by many memories and have looked at myself with eyes of compassion and at times, regrets, despair…I have softened up and forgiven myself a lot but there is still so much to do..or undo! I recently remembered when I was in India few years ago and even the nun in the monastery where I was studying all these books on Buddhism was advising me…” to just go home now and relax..” But no I was on a mission, reading up to 3 books every 2 days, doing my prostrations and practicing all sorts ofascetic practices that even drove a young Indian guy to tell me I should put on weight (I looked pretty bad!)! I can laugh now but when I look back I can see a scared lost woman trying to find her way out of pain and the feeling of being disconnected, all by herself. Since then I have learned that we are all here for each other and that talking with a skilled therapist who listens to you (which I am doing) or a good friend (that too)will /might just be the best thing to do. But for that I had to be vulnerable. Me? Are you kidding? I have created that carapace for so many years, I am not letting go…But if you don’t, life will take you there as Life loves you.
So many years down the line I find myself having a pedicure (!) and having a nice chat with this lovely woman…and our talk was on : what is life?
We both agreed that Life is to be lived,enjoyed and simple. How many people do you know have money but are jut plain miserable? What makes our lives worth it ? Connections, people, families (even though they drive us mad or is it just me?)…But my question is where are we going right now? We seem to be living in a place that is going faster and faster by the minute, where there is so much competition that for some people like me it is just overwhelming, where we connect virtually but we don’t know how to be with each other in reality…So I was watching my thoughts which recently have been a bit obsessive with getting more diplomas, more experiences, not being satisfied with what I have acquired from these years travelling and being. Because yes I have spent so many hours on the mat that won’t account for Yoga alliance, I have read so many books that I don’t even know if I can recall all of them (but somehow things are coming back at the right moment as they have certainly found their place in my brain, somewhere in between the processing thoughts, the meditative side and the rest!), and on and on. So why am I not okay? Well after this Massage and cacao all I can say is that I have dropped a bit more into the softness and the allowing…I have given myself this moment to just feel that I am just one of us and I can only do my best…and that if I was just a bit more compassionate I would see all the changes that have happened and are happening now, and that somehow I am taken on a journey and that I am still at times forgetting to enjoy it.
Where does it bring me? I am not sure but maybe I/we should/could just be more in the heart and enjoy all that I/we have around me/us, as I am grateful…even for this belly which is hurting a bit now to remind me to slow down and listen more deeply. This body is incredible and if only we could just trust it more…
Blessings on this Eclipse time. Set your intentions and be ready for the ride.
On this I shall leave you with these beautiful Native American’s teachings:
10 Tribal Teachings To Live By
1) The Earth is our Mother, care for her.
2) Honor your ancestors through your actions.
3) Open your heart and soul to the Great Spirit.
4) All life is sacred; treat all beings with respect.
5) Take from the Earth what is needed and nothing more.
6) Put the good of all before your own interests.
7) Give constant thanks for each new day.
8) Speak the truth; but only of good in others.
9) Follow the rhythms of nature; rise and retire with the sun.
10) Enjoy life’s journey, but leave no tracks.